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An Unexpected Visit - Part 5

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Something worth concidering

Dís stood with her back to Thorin’s door for a while, with tears streaming down her cheeks. She heaved for breath, for she felt a heavy pressure on her chest, and could hardly breath. She tightened her hands into fists, trying to calm down. Her breathing came easier, and she blinked determined to stop the tears from falling.

She was out of her mind with anger for her brother, yet she understood everything he had said, and knew it was not simply his hatred of the elves who limited him. Dís understood his restrictions, and she knew Kíli had broken several laws, and would have to several others before this would all be resolved. Yet she wished Thorin would prioritize his family, as she knew he loved them all dearly.

Dís straightened herself when she heard steps in the dark of the corridor. She saw a figure walking towards her in the light of the lantern by Thorin’s door, the only one lighted in the corridor.

«Good evening, Dís.» It was the warm and familiar voice of Balin coming out of the dark to greet her, and she almost heaved for her breath once more. Balin had been like a father to her most of her life, and there were few she trusted like him.

Balin frowned when he stepped into the light and saw the traces of tears on her face. «Is everything alright?»

Dís sighed and shrugged. «I do not know, Balin. It all seems dark and hopeless. I don't know what to do with him,» she whispered, afraid her voice would betray her and break. A tear broke away from her eyes again, and she cursed it silently. She did not want to seem weak in front of Balin, no matter how much she trusted him.

«What is the matter? What has he done? » Balin looked at her with serious eyes, knowing at once of whom she spoke.

«He banished my son, Balin! He banished Kíli for falling in love with an elf, and now she is having his child. I do not wish to lose my son. Had Thorin not been so proud he would come to understand that his family is more important than any broken law. Will you speak with him, Balin? Please!» Dís spoke fast, desperately needing Balin to support her cause. Another tear released from her eye.

Balin watched Dís as she spoke, touching his beard thoughtfully. Finally he placed a hand on her shoulder. «My dear lass,» Balin started with his usual sympathetic voice. «I do not think you should be so quick to judge your brother. He is struggling with this just as much as you are. You know he has never been good with feelings, yet he has more than he knows. And he is the king. It is the kings duty to uphold the laws, and make sure no one stands above it. This you know, Dís, and I do not believe he want to lose his family. You can be sure of that, my girl.»

Dís was surprised by his words, which she had imagined to be of a quite different sort. She was stumped by his brutal truth. It always surprised her. She felt suddenly like a spoiled child, as she always did after one of Balin’s speeches. He made her realize her own stubbornness, and she always resented him for it. Though only for a short while.

«You should consider the difficulties your brother is experiencing at the moment. I hope not that Kíli should leave us, but that is not our decision. It must come from our king, and he must always do what is right by our people. He has a hard choice to make, Dís. Remember that before you think hateful things of him again,» Balin spoke softly, as he knew Dís’ quick temper. He simply wished to remind her that Thorin was not the monster he might seem to her at this moment. Balin knew the siblings had a complicated relationship, and that both sides often were misunderstood.

He reached up to kiss her forehead, and Dís let him, as she pressed her lips together, realizing her mistakes. Balin often had that effect on her, and she was glad, for it was not fair of her to make Thorin the villain, as it was not entirely his fault. She was still not pleased with him, yet she took a calming breath and nodded softly.

Balin smiled proudly, and touched her cheek. He felt a great fatherly love for her, as he had spent most of the time after the dragon’s desolation taking care of the siblings, and mostly Dís, being the youngest of the three, and the girl. Dwarven girls would not leave their father’s protection before they chose to marry, yet this little one had been taken away from her father and home far too early.

«Go to your sons, Dís. They need you. I will talk to Thorin now.»

***

Thorin sat alone in his chamber. With his elbows on the armrests of his chair, his hands folded in front of his mouth, he sat silently. All he could think of were the thoughts circling within his mind, and he felt shame heavy his heart.

Of course he loved Kíli as his own; of course he did not wish to disappoint his sister, but what was he then to do? Should he leave his kingly duties behind, and damn them all for the wrath of the Gods? No, it was not right. Yet his heart was heavy with shame.

He heard his sister’s words within his mind: «I had not thought this of you, that you be the heartless dictator of all our kings.» It was a dagger to his heart, every time he repeated them inside his head. He closed his eyes with a heavy breath. What had he done to ever earn such hatred from his only sister?

The fire was burning low on the charcoals that remained of the firewood in the hearth, and the room was chill and darkened. He cared not to resurrect the flames. He sat there in the darkness, and felt utterly alone surrounded by the mountain in which he was king.

At that moment there was a knock on the door, and for a second he was afraid it was Dís, coming to yell at him more, though he realized she wouldn’t have bothered to knock. Then he growled: «Who is it?»

The door was opened, and in it stood Balin, his oldest friend and councilor.

«My king,» Balin said respectfully, his voice calm.

Thorin did not question Balin’s devotion, but Dís’ words had put doubt in his mind, and Thorin found himself expecting Balin’s accusations. «Why are you here, Balin? Have you come to tell me I’m a tyrant, a dictator who cares for nothing but his gold?» Thorin’s voice was hard and demanding. Yet he was tired. He covered his eyes with a hand for a second, trying to sooth his throbbing headache.  

«I will say none of the sort, my lord,» Balin huffed, angry his king would even think him to consider such nonsense. «You are my king, and a righteous king at that. You are no tyrant, neither are you driven by greed or selfishness. I believe you are fooling yourself, my lord, if you truly believe such nonsense.»

«My sister seems to believe them,» Thorin mumbled stubbornly, and Balin saw a glimpse of the young lad Thorin had been many summers ago, at the age of thirty, when he would go mad over his sister’s constant need for attention and approval, at the time when she enjoyed agitating him with all sorts of mischievous pranks. Thorin had never quite known how to handle her, and Balin had often acted as a neutral party between the two.

«Do not blame Dís, Thorin. She is upset with the thoughts of her son, and it is understandable, as well are your reluctance to overlook his mistakes. He is a dwarf and should stand accountable for his mistakes, as should we all. You are right in upholding the laws, my lord, as are your responsibilities,» Balin spoke frankly, and Thorin opened his eyes, almost disbelieving the words of his adviser. He felt so often Balin would advice him against his own ideas, so now hearing him agreeing with his actions was indeed refreshing.

Thorin exhaled deeply, both of relief and remaining uncertainty. He straightened himself in the chair, and laid his hands with palms down on the table, eyeing Balin expectantly. «What will you have me do, old friend? I do not wish to break apart my family, yet I see no way around it. Kíli did wrong and should take the punishment, yet the coming of his child complicates the situation. Dís may be right in the fact that it would be too dangerous to send the she-elf back to Mirkwood with their child. It is, after all, the heir of Dúrin. Still they cannot remain here once the child is born.»

Balin touched his beard while listening to Thorin, and he walked to the fire to feed it more wood. It blazed as he breathed on it, and the light grew in the chamber. Balin walked to stand in front of Thorin’s table again, and gathered his hands on his back. His kind eyes were light on Thorin’s. «Yes, Dís is right about a number of things, yet it is your decision to make, as our king.» Balin’s expression hardened then, and his voice lowered. «But I think you wise in not returning them to Mirkwood. I do not trust Thranduil, and neither do Tauriel. She knows the elf king better than any of us, and she proved in coming here that she would rather risk your wrath than his. I’d say that is worth considering.»

«Then it must be considered,» Thorin mumbled thoughtfully. He had not thought about it in that way. The elf must have known his hatred of elves from their last encounter, yet she feared Thranduil, one of her own, more than him. It was definitely worth considering. He wondered what she had hoped for in coming there.

Thorin stood then, and spoke firmly: «I will speak to her!»

«My lord, that will not be easy. Your sister and nephews are guarding her fiercely. I do not think they will trust you alone with her in her condition.» Balin reached for Thorin’s arm as he was headed out of the room, but the king was not easily stopped. Balin had to hurry after Thorin as he walked out of the chamber and down the corridors leading back to Kíli’s chamber, where the elf maiden was slumbering.

Outside the chamber Kíli sat sound asleep, with Fíli leaning against the column on the opposite wall, snoring lightly. Thorin felt his heart glow from the love he had for his nephews, yet he felt the betraying sting of Kíli’s action when he laid his eyes upon him. It was indeed a complicated situation.

Thorin and Balin walked as silently as they managed, and still Balin tried to hold back Thorin from opening the door into the chamber.

«Thorin, she is a pregnant woman. You have to respect that. At least try to be calm in her presence.» Balin whispered as Thorin touched the handle to the door.

«I will only speak with her, Balin. Take my word as your king, and stay here with the boys.» Thorin reassured Balin and laid a hand on his shoulder for a moment, before entering the chamber, leaving him behind. Balin huffed, and crossed his arms nervously. He had to obey his king, yet he felt it was an ill advised idea, and somehow his doing.

***

When Thorin entered the room, he saw Dís sitting beside Tauriel. Both were asleep, yet Tauriel squirmed and made small noises, clearly in discomfort. She was wet with sweat, and her previous braids were in tangles as her hair was hanging loose over her face and chest. Her nakedness shied Thorin, even if she was covered with animal skins. Her presence alone was uncomfortable, and he was suddenly uncertain of what exactly he wished to know from her.

Dís stirred and opening her eyes, her expression grew fearful. She looked as if he was a warg, ready to tear her throat out. Thorin was devastated his sister would ever look at him with such eyes, that she was truly afraid of him, and he lowered his gaze in shame. When he looked at her again, she had a pleading expression on her face.

Dís opened her mouth to speak, but he spoke first. «Dís, please, let me speak with her. I will not harm her or the child. You must trust me like you used to. Please, sister. You have my word!» Thorin spoke steadily, his eyes pleading, and Dís’ expression softened. Her usual pout surfaced, and she nodded softly as she got up from the chair.

«Be good, my brother. She is very weak.» Dís said as she touched his shoulder lightly, and left the room. Thorin was for the first time alone with the elf, except for the old lady in the corner, and he knew not what to do.

***

Tauriel had been lying for a while with closed eyes and deep breath, trying to keep the pain in check within her mind. It came more frequent, every other minute or so, and she fought hard not to cry out each time. It was agonizing, yet it was different from any other pain, for this she could not despise or regard as weakness. She was having her and Kíli’s child, and it was beautiful, even if the pain was excruciating.

The first she heard was the door being opened and closed, and a person sitting down in the chair next to her. She had heard a sob and a breathing which she thought belonged to Dís. And when a second person entered the room, she felt a chill, and a yearn to crawl further under the skins and hide, arose in the back of her mind. Then Thorin had spoken, and Dís had answered.

Tauriel was filled with dark fear, and she wanted to run away, far from the mountains. She wanted to scream at Dís not to leave her alone with the dwarven king who hated her and her kind. But she was frightened of opening her eyes to face the dwarf, let alone speak her mind.

Then finally the door had closed and Tauriel knew she as alone with him, Thorin, who’s nephew she loved, who’s heir she was giving birth to. She felt terror take a hold of her heart, and it beat faster and faster in her chest. She did not know what to do.

Thorin stood eyeing her a moment before he decided he had to speak. He didn't know if she was awake, yet he felt he could not hold his tongue any longer. «I know you are awake,» which of course he didn’t, but he didn't know what else to say.

Finally Tauriel opened her eyes and meet the gaze of the dwarf. She grasped the skins so tight her hands were turning white in fear. Thorin’s eyes were hard, as she remembered them, yet there had been a change. He looked not simply hateful, but also sad. His eyes were tired and his stance was worn, as if he had no power within him. Tauriel suddenly pitied him, for she realized his troubled mind as she looked at him.  

«My king,» Tauriel spoke softly, for her voice was tired and without power.

«Tauriel,» Thorin began, his voice calm and his eyes had a moment of kindness. «I think it is time we spoke.»

«I agree,» she lied, her heart cold with fear for this dwarf. She wondered if Dís truly trusted her brother, and if she was right to do so. Tauriel had no impression of Thorin’s heart, and did not know the dwarf’s true intentions. Could he be such an easy liar?

«I want to ask you why you came here.»

«I would think it obvious,» Tauriel retorted silently, eyeing and touching her bulge under the skins. As if trying to prove her point, the fire stirred in her, and she gasped at the pain. It lasted for a minute or to, and Tauriel exhaled exasperated when it ended. They were coming much closer now, and she was both fearing and anticipating the birthing of her child.

Thorin was silent while the contraction lasted, for he did not know what to do. He knew nothing of birth, other than the times his sister had given birth, both times he had not been allowed inside the chamber. He didn’t know what was expected of him, and so he stood watching her. Finally he spoke: «That is not what I meant.»

He was careful not to raise his voice, as Tauriel looked still in pain and sweat rolled down her forehead. «Why did you not entrust this to any of your kinsmen? I understand your love for my nephew, and your motivations for coming here, yet I am curious. I cannot believe this was your ideal birthing place.» Thorin fought to keep his voice calm, as he stood at the foot of the bed. He would not be comfortable sitting down so close to her, and being on his feet he felt in control of the situation. His hands were folded on his back as he stood watching her.

Tauriel breathed to calm herself before she spoke. «It was my biggest wish to be with Kíli at this occasion. He is dearest to me, and I needed him to know of the child that we made together,» Tauriel spoke carefully. She was not sure what he wanted to know, or what would be safe to tell him. Yet she felt his curiosity was sincere, so she answered. «Though, of course I have not lightly come here. I know of your history with elves, and your hatred is well reasoned. By that account I had hoped to receive support coming here.» Tauriel paused to breathe, as it was wearying talking about this which stood so close to her heart.

«Support? Support on what account? You had not surely hoped for me to support your relationship with my nephew?» Thorin eyed her seriously, wondering what she truly spoke of, for he sensed there was more to the story.

Tauriel closed her eyes at the truth she was about to reveal to him. She would not enjoy saying such hatful things of her people, especially to a dwarf who would take great pleasure in it. She exhaled. «Mirkwood has not been the beautiful woodland realm it was when I was young and saw it for the first time. Thranduil has taken the greatest burden of the decaying forest, and his heart has grown dark of late. He cares less for his people and more for the pleasures of darkness. His mind is clouded by hatred. The child would never have been safe in those woods, and I could not risk it. So I deserted the royal guard to protect the child I bear.» As Tauriel spoke a tear released from her eye, and she felt it burning down her cheek. If she had not betrayed her king before, she certainly had done it now.

«So my speculations were true,» Thorin said and turned to the hearth in the room. The fire burned low, yet Thorin felt the sweet warmth of the flames on his skin, as he pondered the significance of the information he had just learned. Did it change anything between them? He thought not, yet it seemed important somehow.

«That is why I came here, to rescue my child and be with Kíli. I understand I cannot stay, but please do not send for Mirkwood. I dare not think of what Thranduil, or even Legolas, would do if they knew of my whereabouts, have they not figured it out already. I will leave when my child is born, and find somewhere safe to settle down.» Tears streamed down her face as she spoke, and she caressed the belly underneath the skins. The child lay quietly now, and just when Tauriel exhaled to ease her tears, the pain arose yet again.

She gritted her teeth and grasped the skins as the pain burned her, hot and red and angry. Thorin turned to her then and hesitated again, unable to utter a word of comfort or soothe her pain. Her face was contorted in pain, and she cried out as it died away again.

«They are coming shorter apart,» she mumbled breathless.

Thorin did not answer, as he was not completely sure what she was speaking of, and yet he was not yet content with her answer. He needed to know one more thing. «You speak of protecting your child, yet you dare venture here? What made you certain you would be safe in Erebor? What made you certain you would be safe from me?»

Tauriel opened her eyes and looked directly at him, her mind clouded with fear and pain from the contractions, and she felt suddenly no fear for the dwarven king in front of her. She held his gaze a long time before answering.

«I wasn’t,» she started hesitantly. «I was afraid of you, Thorin, yet something within told me that I should not have been. It was a feeling that I should not fear the grandfather of my child. For that you are, as Kíli looks to you like a son to a beloved father. And I knew that if he could love you, and stand by you, and fight for you with such passion, I could trust you to give my child somewhere safe to be born, within the halls of it’s forefathers.»

Tears rolled down Tauriel’s cheeks as she spoke such grand words, her eyes never wavering from Thorin’s. And Thorin felt his heart beat strongly in his chest, as his own love grew from hearing someone speak of his nephew’s devotion to him in such a way, and to know it to be the truth. A single tear released from his eyes, and he quickly turned away.

Tauriel was too exhausted to notice, yet she smiled, for she felt her love move within her as one of her child’s feet imprinted her belly. She caressed the spot underneath the skins, and urged for the little thing to come forth. She dearly wished to hold it in her arms and feel the little body she had created within her. It was a true miracle.  

Thorin stared into the fire as his mind enveloped Tauriel’s words. He was conflicted, and knew no longer what was right, what he should do. It was his duty to uphold the laws, and so he could not condone Kíli’s reckless actions. That was the one thing that was clear in his head.

«I am sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused you all. Had it been a choice I would never have done it, yet it was not. I look at Kíli and see my husband, and I love him with my very being,» Tauriel breathed, just loud enough for Thorin to hear. He touched his beard and turned around to look at her again. Thorin didn’t know why, but he walked around the bed and sat down at her bedside.

«I do not blame you, Tauriel. I simply wish to do what is right according to our laws. Kíli knew them all before he broke them, and so I cannot make excuses for him. He needs to accept the responsibility he has as a dwarvish prince. The earlier he realizes that the better.»

«I think he does, and he deserves more than your doubt,» Tauriel breathed. She was drained from the pregnancy and was not sure how much longer she could endure the pain and the pressure.

Thorin took her hand awkwardly in his, squeezing it lightly. It was cold, and he held it between his for a moment to give her some heat. Tauriel smiled at him, her expression fatigued and her eyes narrow. He kissed her hand, and thought it a strange, yet easy gesture.

As he was about to rise from the chair and leave her to her sleep, Tauriel suddenly sat up in the bed, grasping his hand hard. She met his gaze with a mixture of fear and surprise in her eyes. «Thorin,» she breathed. Her hold of his hand was tightening. «The child is coming,» she said silently, and then cried out as she fell back down in the bed.
First: Part 1

Last: Part 4
Next: Part 6

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I'm sorry, it's been far too long since last, for I have had too little time to write outside of school.
I know this is a slightly awkward chapter, yet I hope you enjoy it. Keep in mind I am a 20 year old who has absolutely no experience with pregnancy or child birth, so if there is anything I write that is wrong, please tell me and I will change it! ^^

I have been very unsure about this chapted, as it is more of a gateway chapter than an actual chapter, yet finally I realized I just had to trust my insincts, as I have been getting great feedback for my previous wirting. And even if I'm not happy with most of this chapted, I just had to be finished with it and publish it so I can no longer ponder over the awkward sentences.

I hope you enjoy this as well, and I actually wrote this as a reply on a comment I recieved on fanfiction.net, about Thorin not getting enough sympathy, and I agreed, and so I tried to write this as a contrary to the last chapter. Well, I hope you agree with my vision!

Dís, Thorin, Balin (C) Tolkien
Fanfiction (C) Me, Ingvild Schage
© 2014 - 2024 IngvildSchageArt
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Sharquelle's avatar
Balin truly amazes me, he’s a true mediator. :heart:

And even thought I found it somewhat inappropriate of Thorin to barge in to that room at that point, poor Tauriel goes through enough already, I’m glad how it worked out. Apparently this ‘evil elf’ now has more of a face and a name to him that she had before. Even his stubbornness must have been touched by those words about why she trusted him more that she would trust her own kind. sad nod 

That being said; Thorin, now would be a good time for you to shove off and give the poor girl some privacy! :XD: